The Daily Durvy

I have a weird obsession with sparkling water. Not the cheap stuff, but the real stuff. Perrier, San Pellegrino, the strange Dutch Voss crap that I order at the expensive restaurants I go to with my parents. I go through it like it’s, well, water.

There was a sale at the supermarket today. 4 bottles for $4. One little dollar for a liter of the Good Life. I bought 10. I’m sure I looked like the crazy person who buys water for the end of the world. I would have judged me.

Before I throw out the bottles -I mean recycle the bottles- I take off all of the paper labels. If the bottle is a little wet, the labels will peel off smoothly, and leaves minimal residue from the adhesive. Those are the successes. They can be more gratifying than finishing a paper, getting an A on a test or cooking a meal that doesn’t suck. And it happens way more often.

If the bottle is dry and I start to remove the label, I have to rip from both sides. Sometimes it will come off in one piece, and sometimes I have to remove the offending label in sections. Sometimes a small piece won’t come off at all. If that is case, I have to get rid of the bottle before I throw it out the window.

Once the labels are removed, I fold them symmetrically. Sometimes in half, sometimes in quarters, but always neatly. After that, I shove them down the neck, and into the empty bottle. It is then that my drinking experience ends. Not when I finish the water, but when I finish the ritual.

What are your odd, bizarre, silly rituals?