The Daily Durvy

My best friend and I have been making very specific wishes at mystical time of 11:11am and 11:11pm everyday for several weeks now. And like all good wishes, they were about a boy. A special, retarded, loving, grumpy old man of a boy that has been in and out of her life for going on 6 months. They were together, then they weren’t, then they were having sex and then she decided she needed something more.

In some ways, I have been very involved in this saga. Stagnant and stable in my own relationship, I have been offering advice to her and the enemy retard. I have run interference, sent vulgar text messages, and generally lived vicariously through both of them. One text message simply said, “Fuck her.” Helping or hurting the situation? You may ask. I don’t really know, but I do know that I thought I was helping. I thought I was pushing them both towards what they wanted. It was probably closer to the blind helping the blind, but I stand by my advice and my role in the whole mess. I believe in making choices, making mistakes, and having the most fun that you can have doing it. And above all else, I believed in her and in him and in their indefinable relationship.

Yesterday, she finally said what she needed to say to him. She admitted her feelings, admitted how hurt she was and how much she needed more than just a friend and excellent sex. She laid out her cards in a way that I am vaguely jealous of, as if I wanted to do it for her because I could probably never do it for myself.

Tonight, he finally called her back and told her that he just couldn’t be with her right now. And that he’d call back in week. He still has feelings, but just needs more time. It’s the loveable yet retarded part of him.

She called me after he left to tell me what happened and who said what and how. She wasn’t quite in tears, and we talked and decided that she can do better if she wants to. I told her how proud I was, and how everything is going to work out. I firmly believe that statement. I believe that particular statement more than any other statement I’ve made so far, in fact. After about 20 minutes, we hung up and I hit the end button on my phone, about to throw it on the couch and get back to my veg fest.

And I noticed that it was 11:11 exactly.

And that’s how I know it’s going to be okay and how everything is going to work out. It’s what we wished for.

I was running late and had to literally haul ass to the bus stop this morning so I didn’t grab my camera.

So what happens? THERE’S A HORSE ON THE QUAD. Obviously.

Taken on my iPhone

I watched CNN ALL DAY TODAY.

I cried a lot, got really scared and could only think one real, coherent thought about this whole little crisis:

WHERE IN THE HELL IS PRESIDENT BUSH IN ALL OF THIS?

No statement, no opinion, no nothing. I realize he is a “lame duck” but did NOT realize that meant “mute duck” as well.

Maybe I just don’t know politics.

In other news, have you seen Sarah Palin’s Facebook page?

I’m so scared, Internet. So scared.

I did NOT TAKE THIS PHOTO. However, with the debates tomorrow, I feel it is relevant and wanted to share.

Found HERE

I spend a lot of time with Alex.

It’s understandable. He is my boyfriend/love of my life. I find his company enjoyable, his laugh infectious and his jokes funny. They’re bad puns. It’s my style of funny.

Last year, my roommates and living situation were less than desirable. I needed someone to lean on, and Alex was there for me, no questions asked. Over the summer, he braved family vacations with my family. For any of you who have met my family can understand the magnitude of that situation. I also went to the middle of fucking nowhere with his. There was a FOUR HOUR TRAIN RIDE involved. These are the bonds that tie, Internet. The bonds that bind.

Now with the new year and new roommate, I wanted to try to become more independent from Alex. Take some space, a few nights a week alone. Get to know Emma, Tina, Emily; think about my sorority, get coffee with random people, see movies by myself, cook dinner. Feel like I don’t have to depend on any one person to do it all for me.

I want to know that I can do it for myself.

Last night was the first night in a long, LONG (embarrassingly long?) time that Alex and I spent apart. It was hard. I didn’t really sleep. Around 3am I drifted into a restless slumber, only to be woken up by the first ring of my alarm. ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN MY ROOMMATE KNOWS THAT THAT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.

Tonight, Alex and I resolved not to spend the night together again. Tonight it has been even harder. About an hour ago, I called him, practically begging him to come over. I felt like a sad, pathetic bitch, sobbing and smearing mascara all over myself.

But, in the end, we resisted. We know that we need to do this. We need to cook dinner for ourselves, see our roommates, see movies, get coffee, write papers and shit in the toilet by ourselves.
So I climbed into bed with Emma (aka TBRE), and we talked and listened to Perez’s song (yes, I’m still plugging it!) a few times and I now I feel better.

It’s still taking every ounce of strength I have not to get in my car, drive to his apartment, and cuddle with him until we fall asleep, but it’s a start. A small step towards being better people in an even stronger relationship. I love him, he loves me, and tonight I sleep alone.

Dreaming about him, of course. : )

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